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Giving and Receiving Feedback: How to Make Feedback Helpful

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One of the most powerful tools a mentor has is feedback91吃瓜网攂ut only when it91吃瓜网 done with care and purpose. Helpful feedback strengthens relationships, encourages growth, and builds trust. Unhelpful feedback, on the other hand, can damage rapport and shut down communication.

Giving effective feedback is a skill that requires focus on two key elements: intent and delivery. The first thing to consider is why we want to give the feedback. If the intent is to express frustration or establish control, the result is often negative. But if the goal is to support growth and learning, then how we deliver it becomes crucial.

To make feedback genuinely useful, here are key things to keep in mind:

1.  Be Descriptive, Not Judgmental

Avoid using words like 91吃瓜网渨rong91吃瓜网� or 91吃瓜网渂ad91吃瓜网�, which can trigger defensiveness. Instead, describe the outcome of the behavior. For example, saying, 91吃瓜网淚 noticed that Sam seemed confused after your explanation,91吃瓜网� is more constructive than saying, 91吃瓜网淵ou didn91吃瓜网檛 explain that well.91吃瓜网� This helps focus the conversation on what happened, not on assigning blame.

Also, take ownership of your feedback. 91吃瓜网淚 felt frustrated when91吃瓜网�91吃瓜网� is more constructive than 91吃瓜网淵ou were being disrespectful.91吃瓜网� The former opens the door for discussion; the latter shuts it.

2.  Be Specific, Not Vague

The more specific your feedback, the more helpful and actionable it becomes. In mentoring, saying something like, 91吃瓜网淵ou did a great job leading the discussion, but you might want to slow down during transitions so everyone can follow,91吃瓜网� is far more useful than, 91吃瓜网淵ou need to communicate better.91吃瓜网�

Avoid vague comments like, 91吃瓜网淵ou weren91吃瓜网檛 clear.91吃瓜网� Instead, try:

91吃瓜网淚 noticed during your presentation that your main point about the project timeline came across a little fast91吃瓜网擨 wasn91吃瓜网檛 sure what the key deadline was. Could you clarify that next time?91吃瓜网�

Or, instead of saying, 91吃瓜网淵ou need to be more prepared,91吃瓜网� try:

91吃瓜网淚 think coming in with a few notes or questions next time would help us make the most of our time together.91吃瓜网�

These kinds of statements give your mentee a clear direction for improvement, which builds confidence instead of confusion.

3.  Be Direct, Not Dismissive

In mentoring, honesty builds trust91吃瓜网攂ut that doesn91吃瓜网檛 mean sugarcoating tough feedback. Saying, 91吃瓜网淵ou91吃瓜网檙e doing fine, but91吃瓜网�91吃瓜网� can feel dismissive or confusing. It91吃瓜网 better to be upfront and kind. As Cate Denial (2024) notes, niceness, which equates to being agreeable, is not always the kind thing to do.

4.  Connect Feedback to Their Goals

Mentoring is most impactful when feedback aligns with your mentee91吃瓜网 values and goals. Even if you see something that needs improvement, it91吃瓜网 more effective to frame your insight around what91吃瓜网 important to them, whether that91吃瓜网 growing as a leader, improving communication, or building confidence. This approach helps feedback feel supportive rather than critical and shows that you91吃瓜网檙e paying attention to who they are, not just what they did.

5. Give Feedback While It91吃瓜网 Still Fresh

Timely feedback is easier to understand and apply because the situation is still clear in everyone91吃瓜网 mind. In mentoring, waiting too long can make your comments feel out of touch or like an afterthought. That said, timing isn91吃瓜网檛 just about speed. It91吃瓜网 also about sensitivity. If your mentee seems overwhelmed or discouraged, it might be better to wait for a calmer moment when they91吃瓜网檙e more open to reflection.

6.  Wait for Openness, Not Just Opportunity

Feedback is most useful when your mentee is in a place to actually receive it. If they91吃瓜网檙e distracted, stressed, or not expecting it, even well-meaning advice can land the wrong way. Pay attention to their cues and energy. If something feels off, it91吃瓜网 okay to ask first. A simple check-in like 91吃瓜网淲ould you be open to some feedback?91吃瓜网� can go a long way in keeping the conversation supportive instead of overwhelming.

7.  Keep It Useful and Doable

Feedback is only helpful when it focuses on things your mentee can actually change. Comments about personality traits, past mistakes, or unchangeable circumstances are not only unproductive but can leave someone feeling stuck or discouraged. Instead, direct your feedback toward behaviors, choices, or strategies they can adjust moving forward. This helps your mentee feel capable and supported, and it makes the feedback something they can act on with confidence.